i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
