I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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