No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
