I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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