I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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