I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
