i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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