Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
