I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
