I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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