halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
