My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
