Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
