everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
