in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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