I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
