Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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