Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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