no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
