wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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