It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
