We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
