That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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