it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
