sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
