R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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