She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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