I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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