ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
