Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
