I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
