he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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