I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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