So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
