he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
