she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
