I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
