The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
