You're so nebulous sometimes
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
