i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
