Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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