We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just pee around me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
