he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
