Got a toothbrush?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
