please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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