See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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