How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
