jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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