both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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