One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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