I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dicks are not precious.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
